your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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