hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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