weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
