Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
