good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
