He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
