There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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