Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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