Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
