i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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