i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
