what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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