There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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