I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
