my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize