We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
