he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
