I'm gonna have a badass scar
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
