when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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