Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
