bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
