So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
