i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize