Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
