Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize