I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
