if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That accounts for only three of the penises
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
