Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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