They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
