She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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