I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
