I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
