Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
