apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
