what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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