I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
