Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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