i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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