I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Panties = found
Randomize
