i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
