Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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