We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
