you guys were way drunker than both of me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize