Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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