I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
