I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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