I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
