Swine flu. Run for my life!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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