fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize