I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
