I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
