I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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