I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
