pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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