Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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