Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
