Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
