what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
