i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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