my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
