where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
soo... how was my night?
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