How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
