when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i've created a new STD.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
