after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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