i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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