I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
