Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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