Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
