Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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