i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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