he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize